Get them each down to one disc and I'll listen...

Perhaps Clinton fancies himself a Ulysses.

No matter what they tell you, not one person in the world has ever read either book in its entirety.

So Clinton's won "audiobook of the year", beating out "Ulysses". What won in the non-fiction category?

Matt, I've read Ulyssees twice. I think I may have an original theory as to why it's an artistic faliure, too.

I'm thinking of doing an audiobook of Finnegans Wake as read by drunken hobos. I've got the hobos, now I'm working on teaching them how to read.

carter:

Sorry, I think you're lying. Still, I'd like to hear your theory.

It doesn't matter if they can read, let them babble and nobody will know the difference anyway.

In the 'Sixties, someone actually turned FINNEGANS WAKE into a musical, titled THE COACH WITH THE SIX INSIDES. It was recorded by the ESP label (now in print on CD, if you can believe that - www.espdisk.com ) and is said to be unlistenable. Like you didn't know that already.

Wow. "My Life" and "Ulysses" place 1-2 in the Audio Book Awards. If the awards have any connection at all to actual audio book sales, the number of accidents blamed on driver drowsiness along the northeastern Atlantic Seabord corridor is going to explode in the next couple of weeks.

I'm completely serious. I read it once to get a feel for the book, and a second time to give proper analysis to Joyce's excessive referencing of other works of literature. And history. And everything else that happened to be in his brain. The more you scruitinize it the more sterile the whole goulash becomes.

The key to my theory is the little known fact that after getting second place in a singing contest he threw his trophy into the river.

"Chapter one. This is the book that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. It started with Bill Clinton a long long time ago, but when he started writing it, he didn't know it was the book that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. It started with Bill Clinton a long long time ago, but when he started writing it, he didn't know it was the book that never ends . . . ."

Can we make these things worse by having GWB read them? I usually read his speeches rather than listen to them (unless they get good reviews).

Which book has the protagonist masturbating at the beach while watching some sunbathing beauties? I can't remember.

Imagine you are about to be wheeled into surgery and they tell you they are out of anesthetic, but they can play an audio book for you while you are under the knife. Which do you choose, Clinton? or Joyce?